Self Care Saturday 8: A Weepy Farewell To Cipramil

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It’s been a bit of a weepy week here at Casa Catastrophe, but I’m not unhappy about it.

Nor unhappy at all really.

Some things are worth a wee weep, and a few of those things happened, as they will do in life.

The emotion comes, the tears come, the emotion passes and the tear dry up… and back to the daily routine.

antidepressants in a handbag

A packet of Cipramil and the prescription have been in my handbag for a few years now (safest and easiest place, I though.) Time for a handbag clear out. To be honest, time for a new handbag!

I’ve written on the blog before that I’ve been taking Cipramil for a few years.

I didn’t get PND after the twins were born. But when they were mid–terrible twos…. and we were renovating…. and the Intn’l Man of Mystery started working in Yemen… and… and….

(Cue immediate rise in his life insurance cover for all of the above reasons.)

Back then, I’d been quite proud of myself as I managed to get good treatment whilst on the slippery slope rather than when smashed up and desperate down at the bottom of the big, black pit which lies at the bottom of that slippery slope.

As life got easier I dropped the dose, and then life got easier and easier and it felt like I was getting a bit too cheery, if you know what I mean. A bit manic.

So then I was taking half a tab and then half every second day: slowly, slowly, dropping, dropping over weeks and months.

Stopped completely about three weeks ago.

And I do really feel quite different, more than I expected.

And a bit of a weep in itself ain’t a problem. It’s just when it lasts ALL DAY and when I really can’t stop that I need to worry.

Eons ago, a counsellor told me that a real, present, current emotion would come in hard, and then leave quite quickly. The emotions that stayed stuck in my stomach were about the past and not the present.

Can you relate to that?

I certainly could.

People talk a lot about going onto medication and Benison, Cathy and I wrote a lot about it.

There’s less discussion on why and when and how to stop taking them.

I’d love to ask you to share if you’ve had this experience.

How did it go? What’s your advice?

This is a huge topic. There’s so much more to say on laughter, therapy, and especially on antidepressants and sex!

But I’ll zip it here for today and hope you can share your experiences with myself and others.

Please do comment or email me anonymously or pseudonymously if you prefer.

If you see me having a wee weepy moment this week, pass me a hankie would you?

And lets have a hug.

Take it easy





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Posted on: February 24, 2013


  • Reply February 24, 2013

    Hotly Spiced

    You are so brave, Seana, to share your journey. It’s so helpful to others. I always crashed after having a baby and could never cope with people dropping in or phoning and asking, ‘How’re you going?’ All I wanted was to be left alone where I didn’t have to feel like putting on a brave front. Those feelings did leave me but for the first few months of each new baby’s life they’d be there. I didn’t go on medication but I probably should have xx

  • Reply February 24, 2013

    Mairi Stones

    I once took anti-depressants many years ago and hated it, especially coming off them as it was done suddenly and with no support. Proabably that coloured my view and I have ardently never used them since. I like what your counsellor said about emotions and now I feel I can recognise these differences better. I use mindfulness and my breath to help me move through today feelings and those that are echoing from the past I work on as and when. I’ve found EFT to be emmensly helpful with this as it helps release at the energetic level. X

    • Reply February 24, 2013


      Suddenly and with no support is no good at all!! A long time ago I stopped one suddenly to start another and it was a complete shocker, I could see properly and my brain was scrambled. I’ve done it twice very slowly and that’s been good.

      Researching and writing the PND made me much more pro-meds, I had been so distraught to have to take them the first time. But PND and other depressions are life threatening and meds can be life saving, but my experience chimes with the evidence; therapy is great and can be good enough on its own, exercise is helpful too etc etc

      Here’s to mindfulness Mairi and to many, many deep breaths.

  • Reply February 24, 2013

    Desire Empire

    Maybe it just your hormones realigning. With 4 kids and a fifo husband. I think I would cry for more than all day. You are a great mum and a little/big cry is to be celebrated. Feel the pain and let it go. Hell what’s wrong with felling like a cry. I have to confess I love a good one. Hope it all settles down and you feel better.

  • Reply February 25, 2013

    Sonia Life Love Hiccups

    You are very brave hun and despite the weepiness you sound like you are doing incredibly well so be kind to yourself. I have been on meds for 3 years now. I am on half the original dose I was on, but I am happy to stay status quo for the moment. xx

  • Hi Seana,

    You know I cried for about a week last month – my period was overdue! If only there was a chart that could show us when to expect such things so we could take a break or at least understand why it happens.

    I am watching your back and sending hugs.

    And also thinking the weekend may not be the right day for self-care – wouldn’t it be better when the kids are in school?! Not that I am much good at self-care myself but I love the idea of it.

    x A

  • It’s wonderful you are sharing. So many people are affected by depression and it’s important they feel free to discuss and also get informed about medication. I hope you start feeling better soon. Rachel xx

  • Reply March 1, 2013


    Good on you for talking about a difficult topic Seana. We’ll only remove the stigma around depression and medication by open and honest discussion.
    Cheers, Amanda
    PS. I think having a good cry is cathartic – better out than in! xx

    • Reply March 1, 2013


      Totally agree, there’s noting wrong and a lot right with a good cry… a sob, a holler and a yelp all good too.

  • Reply March 1, 2013


    That is a very interesting point you raised about feelings from the past hanging around and getting stuck in your gut. I actually think a little lightbulb went off in my head when I read that! I don’t have any advice but I wanted to let you know that I think with more and more people taking antidepressants there should definitely be more support for those who find they no longer serve their needs.
    Good luck and I hope you can find your balance soon. Rach xx

  • Reply March 1, 2013


    You poor thing – I have had a VERY shocking week emotionally – I suffer very badly from PMS, hard to explain but it’s debilitating to a point where I’m flat for days. I’m lucky it’s only for a few days but can’t imagine having this suffocating feeling 24/7. Crying makes things seem so much better x

  • Reply March 1, 2013

    Denyse Whelan Education Specialist

    Oh Maaate, Seana you need never be concerned about ‘wailing’ and ‘weeping’ to me any old time.
    I know we don’t get to physically catch up much (especially with you diving into the briny anytime you can) but I am always, always here (via email or SMS on phone….) promise! Denyse xxx

  • Reply March 2, 2013


    Hi Seana

    I’ve been on Cipramil for four years now. I take 40mg a day and don’t think I’ll ever stop. I tried about 6 or 7 antidepressants before I tried Cipramil so to have the stability of a medication that doesn’t have the same side effects of the others is good for me. My mood is still very changeable. I still feel the lows but not nearly as bad as before. I also take slow release Ritalin for my mood and concentration which has really changed my life. Along with my meds for heartburn, I fork out $100 a month on pharmaceuticals which bothers me but it is worth it.

    I hope you feel better soon. Coming off antidepressants is hard.


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